1. Their cooler is more important than their golf clubs: They pull up to their car in their cart after checking in and pop their trunk. First thing out of the trunk is a Yeti cooler stocked full of ice cold Bud Lights. Shortly after that, he pulls out an old dusty Callaway bag his uncle gave him when he was 16 that has a driver, what looks like a five wood, a few irons and a putter.
2. His attire: There is a good chance he is wearing plaid shorts (his wife bought him and he hates), a polo he got at a work convention in 2009, a Boston Red Sox flat brim hat and his gym shoes. Oh and don’t forget the oversized sunglasses on with obnoxious colored Croakies.
3. Has an excuse for every bad shot: First tee shot of the day and he walks up to the tee box, tees up his ball, swings harder than Bubba Watson and tops his drive onto the lady’s tees. Laughs and mentions how long it has been since he golfed. Walks back to the cart, finishes his second beer, and swears once he gets a few more beers in him he will be fine. By hole 8 he is swearing and taking crater size divots out of the fairway. But that one decent shot he hits he swears he’s got his golf swing back.
4. He’s taking the phrase “Drive it like you stole it” a little bit too serious: Pulling up to every green and tee box he has the gas pedal all the way down until you are literally at your destination and then slams on the brakes causing the loud scream from the tires you have ever heard, or if you are on grass, the cart goes spinning like a car in a winter storm. He then proceeds to hit every golf mound in the fairway, not spilling his beer, trying to jump the cart. He also complains every five minutes about how they go too slow and drives uncomfortably close to every hazard.
5. Beer cart girl: As you were driving down the first fairway, he spots the beer cart girl and it’s game over after that. Asking all day where she is. Finally, on 16 she comes around and he stumbles out of the cart and uses the most cringe worthy pickup lines of all time. He finally buys the cheapest beer she has, slips her a 20 and tells her to keep the change. After driving away, the only thing he talks about is his love for her and how he’s so mad he didn’t get her number, like he had a shot with her.