A golf course is an interesting place on a Saturday. Especially the driving range. You load your clubs onto the cart and head over with your buddy. I mean the pros hit a bucket before their round so it’s got to have some sort of positive impact… Right? As the range gets within your site you start to think to yourself “god only knows the type of people you’re going to see here today.”
There is really 5 categories of people you see at a driving range. Little kids, the elderly, the swing aid freak, the high handicapper and last but not least… the hardo.
Little Kids: These are the worst. The only reason they are there is because their dad is playing a round and he told his wife he would babysit for the day. They usually are running around from driving range to practice green and back 100 times within the 20 minutes you are at the driving range. Their golf bag is like their school backpack once they get to where they are going it gets thrown to the ground and then they take out what they need. And god for bid they have a cart they come screaming into the driving range as fast as the cart will go and then proceed to slam on the breaks right at the driving range making it sound like a pile up on I93 just happened. Never mind being a distraction, the old people feel entitled to parent them and it creates an even bigger frenzy at the driving range than it already is.
The Elderly: The best people at the range. They pull up to the range as fast as a turtle and polite as anyone you will ever meet. They grab their Spaulding driver, Wilson 7 iron and their Dunlop 60-degree wedge which they’ve had since they played high school golf. They hit about 10-15 balls smile even if their best drive was 140 and get back in the cart and head to the first tee. The range cart guy loves them because they aren’t hitting 400 balls all over the place that he’s going to have to pick up. Other golfers love them because they aren’t going to give you advice or ask your distances. The only downfall to elderly people is when they are on the course and you’re stuck behind them you’re probably looking at a five hour round.
The Swing Aid Freak: These people are pure comedy. They have four alignment poles with them. Two on the ground and two stuck into the ground sticking in the air. They have a band around both arms so they can’t bend their elbows and double wrist braces on the keep a flat wrist. Oh and not to mention they warmed up with one of those black poles with the orange ball at the end before they took their first swing. Oh and how could you forget the full fledged stretch routine they went through next to their cart. Word of advice: if you took off all those contraptions you may bring your scores down to the high 90’s.
The High Handicapper: Nothing but love for these people. Obviously these people don’t get out a lot. They come to the course, drink more beers than number of fairways they will hit and have a great time. No one can be mad at that. But when they step foot onto the driving range you’re in for a show. With the driver, they will swing harder than Dustin Johnson and make solid contact with about three of them. And that’s it… He’ll hit about 30 balls with just the driver, make solid contact on the last one and convince the guys “I’m ready to go!” Between the foursome they will all coach each other using tips and tricks they read about online the night before the round.
The Hardo: Don’t be scared by such a millennial word. It’s not that bad, a hardo is “a person who tries extremely hard at everything.” Now you understand such new school vocabulary you can probably pick out a handful of hardos at your local club. These are the guys that come to the range and go through a full fledged PGA-like warmup routine as he’s warming up for Sunday at Augusta. If you look at him, he will give you a dirty look as if to say, “I’m the best golfer here.” He gets over to the range and sets his bag down. Pulls out a pair of bluetooth headphones and starts blasting some AC/DC. Next he pulls out his rangefinder to make sure the flags are the actual distance they say. He then pulls out a water and chugs it to stay hydrate. Finally he pulls out his 60-degree wedge and wants to show everyone he’s good so he sends a flop shot 25 feet into the air. Looks around and puts it back. He’s got the people looking now so he pulls out his brand new M1 and pipes one about 285 straight as an arrow. He does this for about 10 minutes putting various fades and draws on it. He then finishes his range session by walking over to the practice green, pulling out his Scotty Cameron and nailing five straight putts from 15 feet with an alignment stick on the ground to practice his stroke. Not saying you should hate these people but come on buddy no one cares you’re good. If you’re that good the range is pretty much pointless. And if you have never seen one of these guys, go to your local country club. They are everywhere. The driving range in better terms is a melting pot of golf talent.